Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
