so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My dick has a subreddit
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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