I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We have started to decorate penises.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
