:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
