So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
