i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
