I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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