When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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