somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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