I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
