dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
