you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
