A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
