She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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