i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
