Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
