I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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