Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
