He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
