if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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