the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
