Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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