When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
