Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
