If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
