:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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