it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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