The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
