Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
