I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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