So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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