you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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