I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
