he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
