Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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