He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
