I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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