Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
is that a dick in a sweater?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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