My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
