oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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