i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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