im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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