Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
