Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
