the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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