You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
