Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Buhtt sex?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
