just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
