Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just google imaged poop.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
