I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize