sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
