Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
