I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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