I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
