I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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