Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
