I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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