This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
