Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
