I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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