maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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