so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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