I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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