what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
