You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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