We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You pole danced in your parka.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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