checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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