first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
