if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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