are you still at the devil's house?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
