just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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